Skip to main content

I AM STILL…HERE.

I understand how many readers may feel like I left everyone hanging, because I did… my commitment to my employer, my family and parenting, and straight up- my not-up-to-par self-care habits.

It goes back to seasonal coping skills and lifetime coping demands; which I will forever seek balance. Writing in its diverse forms such as journaling and blogging is important to me. My writing is a must for me, to express myself by reflection, connect with others in order to expand my understanding of self and to relate; as well as to better function at a better than average degree on the scale and spectrum of my wellness… I am still here. I am still well. And I am still striving for a good life in my recovery, which forever shifts and changes…still I am me, overcoming my mental health conditions, and life’s uneasiness, and yet, and still; life’s pleasantness, at the same time! 

I love myself because I am learning how to embrace my flaws that I usually aim to remove in thought, fantasy, and word; everything but diligent action of removal…now I am more accepting of myself and my needs, and challenges I may not face immediately, however to address closely by first identifying them, looking at my involvement within them, and being okay to be stuck in that position, for now.

I love you (readers) for checking in on my place online (Overcoming Schizophrenia), and vocalizing the impact of this blog, and of my absence. I appreciate the messages of concern and all the support. I thank each of you... I AM STILL...HERE. Are you?

Me (Ashley) on my laptop, late at night/1 AM-ish thinking about... you (readers)... needing to get this blog off my chest!





Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Lack of Trust: A Byproduct of My Mental Illness

In this entry, I'll share my experiences with Schizophrenia in regards to feeling lack of trust in others, paranoia, and isolation.... I remember my many episodes with Schizophrenia where I felt uneasy because of lack of trust in others. In the past, isolation was a giant bullying me around. Sometimes my mind would take me to a place of fear, hurt, and an unsettling spirit, which started with what seemed like a strange look, or a different feeling around an individual, when in reality it was another symptom of my undiagnosed illness- paranoia. My paranoia was rampant and dictated my life prior to experiencing a crisis, which led me to jail and into forced treatment and to receive an official diagnosis of Schizophrenia in 2007. In other words, my illness created enemies in my mind. For instance, I once believed my favorite kin was against me and I felt like she wanted me to fail, and I eventually thought she was conspiring to harm me. However, she never said anything to imply these ...

Fear to Openness about Medication

I am concerned that I may be slipping into depression that may get worse if untreated. Prior to the birth of my child I never had a bout with depression, but as my body changed so did my hormones and my susceptibility to depression. A few months ago I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and at the time I knew I needed extra support from my my treatment team. I knew I needed to focus on my mental health because my anxiety level was up and down, it was difficult to concentrate, and I felt extremely overwhelmed and afraid my mental illness would rear its ugly head and try to destroy my recovery accomplishments. I spoke my therapist who contacted my doctor and let them know I was coming in the next morning as a walk-in, which I did and we tweaked my medication. Now, its hard to focus and to carry out minor assignments, sometimes I feel anxious for no reason, I am extremely tired and sleep more than usual, and I feel like I am on a downward spiral. Yet, I have reason to be. I have ...

From the Terrors of Psychosis to Hope and a Better Life

For me, experiencing psychosis is an experience I will never forget. In short, psychosis is when an individual cannot distinguish reality. I endured a psychotic experience at the age of 20, almost five years ago, and still remember the terrors of the illness- officially diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenia in 2007. The manifestation of the illness dominated my livelihood whenever I was extremely suspicious, confused, forgetful, irritable, distant, irrational, and hearing criticizing voices when nobody was around. In my mind, everyone was envious of me because I had godly talents. I thought I could read people's minds and understand them, and sometimes they could read my mind as well. I rationalized these strange beliefs by my faith in God and the miracles of the Bible. I believed I was on a mission for God and eventually thought I was Jesus Christ being persecuted again when I was arrested for a crime I committed while not in the right state of mind. The bizarre thoughts increased....