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Showing posts from 2015

Coping with Isolating Emotions

A couple of months ago I experienced isolation, self-doubt, and fear, that was triggered by my travels out of town, and lack of immediate contact with my support system. In fact, I journaled in that moment and this was some of the concerns I identified:

I feel negative energy. I feel alone because I don't feel like I can trust my support system, and I don't know why? Maybe it's paranoia? Or indifference about some relationships, and guilt about others; I don't know. What energy am I putting out?- I try not to complain. I try to be easy-going. I feel a range of negative emotions: emptiness, void, depression, sadness, exhausted, alone, struggling, uneasiness, tension, unsettling...

While my emotions were real, they came from a place of fear that manifested emotional instability. For example, I could not explain why I should not trust my closest supporters. In that moment, I created more anxiety. In turn, I tried to calm myself by asking a series of questions in order to t…

Reset, Now Focus.

There were a few consecutive days leading up to my grand finale of bad side effects to my antipsychotic medication that impaired my eye sight to the extent that I could not drive to my own doctor's appointment to get relief. Sometimes I would lose my ability to focus on the task at hand. I could sort of see, but not directly what was in front of me. I had a bad tendency of looking up, literately. I could not maintain eye contact with people or look down long enough to see the tasks I tried to do with my hands such as texting. The nerves behind my eyes would not let me concentrate, it was an uncomfortable, nerve-wrecking, stressful experience, which lasted more than two hours on and off, the worst of my experiences yesterday. Thankfully I had a great friend chauffeur me to go to my doctor's appointment and to wait for me, help me pick up my son from school, and drop off my prescription, and then pick it up from the pharmacy.

For the last couple of weeks I've been tip toeing…

Starting the Conversation

Many times limited information about mental illness leaves room for speculation and worry, which undoubtedly leads to fear, distancing oneself from discussions, and a poor outlook about the condition for oneself and the general public. However, a discussion about mental illness needs to be had to reduce confusion, isolation, and propaganda. Frequently, I share my story to reduce stigma and to promote the truth.
Whenever I share my testimony of living with schizophrenia I usually get a warm and familiar response that goes something like: 'I know so-and-so with schizophrenia... I wish I would have talked to you sooner because your story helps me understand mental illness more.' Hearing that rekindles my desire to further articulate my crisis history and present-day recovery to share hope and to reduce the lies- the lie that recovery is not possible, the lie that life is over if you have a diagnosis, and the most ignorant lie; the lie that we should not talk about it. 
Sometimes …