R-E-S-P-E-C-T

The following blog entry was written by a guest blogger:

My name is Christina Bruni and I want to thank Ashley for allowing me to be a guest blogger at Overcoming Schizophrenia. I'm the Living Life columnist for SZ magazine and the community leader and expert blogger at HealthCentral's schizophrenia community Web site.

Life is not easy-it is not always, and sometimes it is not often-golden for those of us with SZ or another MI. The respect and compassion seemingly so freely given from one so-called normal to another is not routinely given to the neediest of us in society, who do our bravest and our best to manage our schizophrenia, to manage whatever life chose to give us.

I propose-as I have in my own blog, Left of the Dial-that we fight hate with love, we send those ignorant and fearful people a healing vibe, and wish them well. More than this, I submit we cannot afford to treat each other, as peers, with less than respect, dignity, compassion and AWE. Awe for what a great job each of us does to soldier on every day with varying levels of symptoms.

We each of us will have good days and not-so-good days, and this is how it goes for all of us, so-called normal or not. I choose optimism as a response; I want to keep up a positive spirit in the face of so much resistance, because certainly hope heals.

We can choose how we respond to stigma. It carries no weight with me. Every day I come in contact with so-called normal people who, without any known or verifiable diagnnosis, act like the worst stereotype of those of us who were locked up. While they do their thing, I tell no one I was once branded as having schizophrenia because I have been in the real back wards.

I admire how quickly Ashley committed to a life of advocacy so soon after her diagnosis. My own rocky road in recovery was long and winding, yet in 2002 I decided to become a mental health activist too. We can no longer afford to feel guilty and ashamed for having SZ when we have the best role models to inspire us in the recovery movement.

My buried secret-no longer a shame-will be revealed when my memoir, Left of the Dial, is published in the fall of this year by Vantage Point Books. I wrote the book-which focuses on recovery, not illness, to uplift and inspire all of you walking this road of recovery.

There is hope and there can be happiness and there can be harmony in your head-living with schizophrenia. I take my medication every day as prescribed and I credit this as the key to unlocking the door to my success. I share my story to encourage you to look on the bright side, to always be hopeful, to not be sad or upset when others in the world are not kind to you.

I understand how hard it is living with this diagnosis; it isn't easy.

We're all in this together-let's extend a hand to each other. Together we can win.

To go to Christina's blog click here.

Blind to the Person with the Illness

Recovering from schizophrenia is an ongoing learning experience- what I learn about myself, peers, and research. Whenever I share my personal experience I try to use appropriate terminology to not offend, misrepresent, or make it sound too traumatic and without hope- Yes, schizophrenia can be a debilitating illness, however, it can also be very manageable, which I focus on the latter outcome to provide hope to my peers and families effected by mental health.

When I share my story I frequently use the phrase 'living with schizophrenia' opposed to 'suffering from schizophrenia,' because I have overcome the hardest part of the illness, to me- that being psychosis and the criticizing voices that nobody else heard. It does not bother me when someone uses either of the phrases, because everyone's experience is different.

There is no right or wrong way to describe one's experience with a mental health concern, in my opinion. Like so many perspectives on life, there is no specific style to depict one's feelings and emotions, or response to a mental health diagnosis... So why do some of us still compare and judge a person's recovery???- There is no standard like there is no normal person or perfect person, so why do some people still make comparisons?

I can go on and on about why we should not compare, but that is too easy to discuss, so why don't we take a look at ourselves and be truthful about whether we are judgmental or not and why. I used to be very judgmental before I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, not because I was mean-spirited, but rather because of my lack of life's challenges and ignorance.

I remember nurses trying to persuade me to take medication in jail, but I refused because I did not know I was battling with a severe illness like schizophrenia. In fact, I remember seeing several jail mates take their medication like candy, to me, and thinking I was better because I did not need medication. However, the truth be told I was probably one of the sickest inmates in that unit... I eventually stopped speaking, showering, moving and functioning.

Being diagnosed, in jail, has chipped off a lot of judgmental attitudes I had previously. Now, I feel like I can relate to more people of diverse lifestyles, not because we may have had similar upbringings, but rather because we have experienced something traumatic, life-changing, and stigmatizing; and more bluntly put- taboo.

Now, it concerns me when some individuals want their loved one to recover like me, because I see someone making unfair comparisons on two individuals in recovery without all the pieces to the puzzle to make a far-fetched criteria for wellness. A common question I get from some is: 'how long did take you to get to where you are now in your recovery?' Even though this concerns me, I understand this individual's intent is not to be judgmental or to harm anyone, however, it seems to naturally hinder their loved one's growth in recovery, to me, with the expectations to see results.

Like many families affected by mental health and its ups and downs, my family struggled too. More specifically, my mother and me. Several members of our family gossiped and blamed my mother for my psychic break. It did not help that my illness impacted my feelings, thoughts, and mood around my mother to make me angry, distant, and unwilling to cooperate when she tried to help. I consider my mother a survivor of the remnants of my mental health because she endured a lot to hold my hand through this entire experience; before, during, and after my diagnosis, which I am grateful for because I believe her support plays an intricate role in my recovery.

Finally, it is upsetting when individuals hold a strong opinion about mental health-related concerns when (1) they have never experienced it, (2) or never encountered it through a loved one, or (3) even researched it to know what exactly they are talking about.

Therefore, I challenge you as a peer, family member, and health care professional, and citizen, to not correct and judge an individual's experience with mental illness, and to be more open-minded, and to not place expectations on other people's lives when you do not know their personal history.

To learn more about schizophrenia visit: Embracing My Mind, Inc., Choices in Recovery, NAMI, and Schizophrenia Society of Nova Scotia (Canada).

From the Terrors of Psychosis to Hope and a Better Life

For me, experiencing psychosis is an experience I will never forget. In short, psychosis is when an individual cannot distinguish reality. I endured a psychotic experience at the age of 20, almost five years ago, and still remember the terrors of the illness- officially diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenia in 2007.

The manifestation of the illness dominated my livelihood whenever I was extremely suspicious, confused, forgetful, irritable, distant, irrational, and hearing criticizing voices when nobody was around. In my mind, everyone was envious of me because I had godly talents. I thought I could read people's minds and understand them, and sometimes they could read my mind as well. I rationalized these strange beliefs by my faith in God and the miracles of the Bible. I believed I was on a mission for God and eventually thought I was Jesus Christ being persecuted again when I was arrested for a crime I committed while not in the right state of mind. The bizarre thoughts increased.

While in jail I thought a family member was playing a prank on me and I did not recognize I was incarcerated for a long time. Still institutionalized I began to believe authorities experimented on me and impregnated me with a shot while I was asleep. Then I went on a prayer fast. I remember reading a scripture in the Bible that said to remain still and to pray, and that's what I did for hours throughout the day. Eventually, jail medical staff admitted me into the psychiatric ward and labelled me catatonic, not moving my body limbs for extended periods of time. These are just a glimpse of some of the bizarre beliefs I had, I could share a multitude of other thoughts, feelings, and emotions I recall from my experience with the illness at its worse, but I'll share more with you another time.

The most frightening realization after the encounter was discovering that these emotions and feelings were fabricated in my mind, and mine only- the people I thought were against me were not obsessed with me and did not want any harm to come to me, like I thought. I remember slowly putting the truth together while writing in my diary and second-guessing myself after discussing symptoms with my doctor, and learning more about the illness in a state hospital. In fact, I think I cried after piecing together some of my encounters which were real to me, but not a reality for others. Schizophrenia can be devastating if an individual does not cling to faith and hope.

My doctor at the state hospital gave me a lot of hope. He said I could go back to college and live a normal life as long as I did two things: 1) take my medication regularly, and 2) manage my stress... I have not gone off my medication, I continue to find ways to cope with stress such as writing and communicating concerns with others, and I have not experienced psychosis in over four years since my diagnosis in 2007.

I reminiscence on this blog about the times I was not well in order to spread awareness and hope, because I made it and I believe many others can too with proper treatment, support, and diligence; and faith. If you or someone you know is struggling with a mental health concern seek professional guidance and continue to support them as you would with any other medical condition.

My hope is that people will view schizophrenia as a medical condition that can improve with treatment, support, and the right attitude... My objective is to reduce stigma, change perceptions, and to open dialogue around mental health concerns. I hope that my story encourages a change in the way people view individuals with mental health conditions and know that the illness can be managed.

I appreciate my readers and look forward to reading your feedback, thank you for making time to read my story.

To learn more about schizophrenia visit Embracing My Mind, Inc., Choices in Recovery, National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), and Schizophrenia Society of Nova Scotia (Canada).

CNN- "Human Factor" Note

Recently my story was featured on CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta's Human Factor. I feel blessed to have an opportunity to share my experience with diverse communities around the world. I believe it is important to share my mental health condition with the public in order to help reduce stigma. Yes, sharing my mental illness has been a process.

I remember when I started this blog in September 2008 I was unsure about its theme and how much I would disclose. Initially, I did not share my true identity, and now I am very comfortable disclosing to the public about my health condition, because I have overcome many medical and social setbacks. I believe this illness can be defeated through treatment, support, faith and hard work.

For individuals and families still struggling with a mental health concern: as you know there will be many obstacles to reach peace with mental health and to live in recovery, however, there is hope. I remember the stories my mother and family shared with me about their worries and concerns for my well-being during my own battle with schizophrenia. In the beginning we did not know I was battling mental health. In fact, I thought it was stress and emotional and spiritual battles. However, my condition worsened over time. Therefore, I encourage families to seek professional guidance when debating whether mental health is a factor.

I am so fortunate to have a family of warriors. My mother and relatives stuck by me during my most vulnerable moments. My mother got involved with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and gained a better understanding of my condition by meeting with my treatment team at the state hospital (after I gave consent).

In short, I encourage families to learn as much as they can about mental health challenges and to get involved in a support group to get more resources and support.

Lastly, I had a great experience during the process of producing the CNN Human Factor story. I am so thankful to the CNN team and my communications staff for working so diligently on my story. My experience is one of millions in America, and I am hopeful that we can "overcome mental illness together!"

Please review the Human Factor segment on CNN and blog entry, and let me know how the story has impacted you and your family.

For more info about schizophrenia visit Choices in Recovery, Embracing My Mind, Inc., NAMI, and Schizophrenia Society of Nova Scotia (Canada).