A friend who is a caregiver has a daughter who was in jail. She shared with me how her daughter made requests and wanted to get out of jail. However, my friend was relived because her daughter was getting help. Immediately, I thought she's in a good place, not due to the environment and circumstances, but because she knew she was in jail.
Catatonia. It is a symptom of schizophrenia that may look different for everyone. I just got out of a meeting where someone's relative experienced catatonia, and their testimony brought me back to that detrimental state that I myself experienced some years back, which I'll never forget. It saddened me. For them and for my past.
For me being catatonic was being absent despite being physically present. I was not responding to anything. For me it was different from psychosis and hallucinations and delusions. While in those states of mind, I was responding to something. Unlike those symptoms, catatonia for me, was being in a daze, incognito, in the twilight zone, in limbo, and not aware of it. Time didn't matter. I would stare off into the distance and not move, at all.
Sometimes I had racing thoughts that I could not keep up with. Other times my mind went blank, which I thought was strange. All the while I didn't understand the fact that I was sick and in a poor state.
I'm not sure how long I was in that condition. However, I remember the response of others. My health team checked on me. Occasionally, my doctor would visit and lift my arm and ask if it I feel it, does it hurt, but still I didn't say a word, and I wasn't moving. I think I wasn't speaking because the voices in my mind told me not to and I listened to them.
Fortunately, I remember one nurse in particular. She would visit me and sit by my side. She spoke to me in spite my silence. While the medication broke the vicious grip that catatonia had on me, I believe that woman's presence helped tremendously. She recognized I was human too and deserved attention like other patients would. She gave me support that differed from the others. She was patient, respectful, and had hope for me. That was 2007. I remember the anguish of that experience because of the response of others. But I also remember that woman's concern for my wellbeing.
If you have a relative or caring for somebody with catatonia, continue to visit them. They may not respond, but when they come back, they'll know that you were there.
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