The situation that I am about to discuss with you is very personal and a sensitive topic, however, similar things most likely occur in other people's families as well.
After I had my psychotic break, relatives believed my mother was to blame for my illness. They believed I wasn't raised right and my mother's parenting skills were to blame. Although this was a harsh attitude towards my mother, it was another form of denial. Family made accusations, although I was not even raised in the same state as the rest of my family. Once a person has a mental illness the whos, whats, wheres and whys really do not matter. The only thing that should matter is getting that person back on the right track and moving forward toward recovery.
During my childhood, I always felt loved by my mother. She would call me her "princess," "little queen," "pumpkin pie," or "ratcoon." I remember her telling me "I love you," and exchanging hugs before bedtime. She always had high standards for my sister and me. My mother was very strict, we had a specific routine to follow, do our chores, do our homework, and then play.
Before my illness interrupted my life I was involved in a lot of activities. My mother still does not understand how I managed to juggle so many activities while I was in school, to this day. I was involved with my college cross country team, part-time job, church, and school. I was very active, an over achiever having made the Dean's List my freshmen year of college. My family never remotely imagined me having an illness such as schizophrenia.
Accordingly, my family's anger turned towards my mother. She was an easy target because she did not live her life the way other relatives wanted her to. She divorced my father when I was a baby and did not remarry. Neither of my relatives lived a perfect life either, but it was very easy for them to point a finger. This incident caused a lot of friction within my family, that still hasn't been resolved.
The truth is, nobody is to blame for mental illness. My great grandmother having a mental illness, is evidence that the illness started its course before my mother was even born. If you are a victim of being called a bad parent because your child has a mental illness, it is not true, and you are not alone.
There is no known cause for schizophrenia but it does involve a combination of genetics and environmental factors.
After I had my psychotic break, relatives believed my mother was to blame for my illness. They believed I wasn't raised right and my mother's parenting skills were to blame. Although this was a harsh attitude towards my mother, it was another form of denial. Family made accusations, although I was not even raised in the same state as the rest of my family. Once a person has a mental illness the whos, whats, wheres and whys really do not matter. The only thing that should matter is getting that person back on the right track and moving forward toward recovery.
During my childhood, I always felt loved by my mother. She would call me her "princess," "little queen," "pumpkin pie," or "ratcoon." I remember her telling me "I love you," and exchanging hugs before bedtime. She always had high standards for my sister and me. My mother was very strict, we had a specific routine to follow, do our chores, do our homework, and then play.
Before my illness interrupted my life I was involved in a lot of activities. My mother still does not understand how I managed to juggle so many activities while I was in school, to this day. I was involved with my college cross country team, part-time job, church, and school. I was very active, an over achiever having made the Dean's List my freshmen year of college. My family never remotely imagined me having an illness such as schizophrenia.
Accordingly, my family's anger turned towards my mother. She was an easy target because she did not live her life the way other relatives wanted her to. She divorced my father when I was a baby and did not remarry. Neither of my relatives lived a perfect life either, but it was very easy for them to point a finger. This incident caused a lot of friction within my family, that still hasn't been resolved.
The truth is, nobody is to blame for mental illness. My great grandmother having a mental illness, is evidence that the illness started its course before my mother was even born. If you are a victim of being called a bad parent because your child has a mental illness, it is not true, and you are not alone.
There is no known cause for schizophrenia but it does involve a combination of genetics and environmental factors.
Comments
not to be too harsh or blunt but it is no ones business- family, relatives, friends- whether or not your parents had beautiful children such as yourself. Who, then gave them a beautiful grandchild, who is happy, mind you.
The world does not stop because someone in the blood line has diabetes! The world does not stop producing because someone in the family bloodline has high blood pressure! The world does not stop because of imperfections and there are so many of them.
Your family and anyone else should not single out people with mental illness. It is illogical to stop having children because of some imperfection, which we all have, if someone wanted to stop mental illness from developing in future generations nobody would be able to have children in my family or a lot of other families for that matter- that is ridiculous and so unfair!
I am glad that your parents didn't listen to your family and had you, I am sure you brought a lot of joy into your parents' lives.
Ashley
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Kim
Whatever the cause, I learned how to cope with it. It wasn't easy, but I feel I turned out pretty good. Recovery is possible. Take your meds, don't drink or do drugs and get real with yourself.
You really learn a lot when the going gets tough! Skeletons come flying out of the closet, emotions you never thought you'd receive from your loved ones are thrown on the table. OUCH!! Behaviors come out that are unbelievable. Who cares who's at fault! Who cares if its from moms or pops! The only issue should be coming together and making it right!
I learned a lot when this happened to my daughter, most of it painful. I would personally classify ignorance to this type of problem when the family separates during a crisis. I am not proud to say this but we have not recovered from this!! If my daughter is able to make progress why can't we? Very sad, very unfortunate... but, life has to go on...
Mom