In Aaliyah's song she says "if at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again," I can relate that to my struggle with schizophrenia. If you mess up, you can try again and make things right, but don't give up. Almost two years after my psychotic break I have not given up, and I continue to strive to overcome my illness.
Schizophrenia is a serious mental illness that could either break you or make you stronger. In the past, I experienced some tough situations- the devil was trying to send suicidal messages that I had to ignore. (Once on the television I saw the words: "How to commit suicide," and on the radio I heard a song singing about how suicidal a man was over a woman. Back then, I interpreted it as the devil trying to get me to commit suicide, sending me messages. Not me, I was not ready to die!
Hearing discouraging voices (the voices laughed at me and told me I was a dishonor to my family) and believing everyone was out to get me. I did not know what to do, I would go on walks or call someone close to me. I could still hear these voices over the telephone, they are very powerful so watch out! The voices had the nerve to tell me to get off the phone and I'd tell the person I was talking to "I gotta go." and abruptly get off the phone. I had one choice, get rid of them! I took walks and it seemed to calm a bit, but the medication did wonders!
Even though I have a mental illness, I have a choice whether to survive it or to let it consume me. I can have a pity party, not cooperate with doctors, and not do anything good to help myself. Or I can encourage myself to look at things positively and try to overcome schizophrenia by partnering with doctors, educating myself on my illness, and taking my medication regularly.
At first, I messed up. I didn't take my medication regularly and didn't want to because I was raised in an anti-drug environment and I though I was actually being poisoned. Due to this illness, my family had to mandate me to take medication, but since then I've learned that the way I was handling it was not the proper way to handle my illness, instead I handle schizophrenia through education and trusting my doctors.
Although I've heard it said, that it feels like "you're a pill away from a relapse" I do not let that idea get me down! I embrace my illness by discussing it and learning more about it. If you feel bad about having schizophrenia, I understand, but there are worse obstacles out there. If you feel like giving up hope, DON'T, because God loves you by giving you another chance at life. If you don't want to help yourself, do it for your family or friends they care about you and want to see you overcome. Lastly, do it for me, I would like to hear about all of us recovering and working with what we have! Well, no lastly, do it for YOU!
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