Catatonic. Delusional. Psychotic. These
are a few symptoms of schizophrenia, which I suffered, lived in, and
endured through medication.
Catatonic was a place of immobility,
distance, and lack of awareness. I experienced catatonia during my
first breakdown at age 20. My breakdown led to my incarceration and
hospitalization. My catatonic state of mind left me frozen,
vulnerable, and lost. While I was catatonic time did not exist. I did
not hold concerns related to hygiene, socialization, nor consequence.
A jail nurse, Erwin, expressed my condition, in order, to persuade me
into taking medication.
Erwin said, “We had to drag you in
your chair from the day room back to your cell, because you would not
move... We rushed you to the emergency room three times to stick an
IV in you, because you stopped eating and drinking... Please stop
ignoring me... Would you take your medicine?”
I did not move for hours, and maybe
even for days. Doctors and nurses visited regularly. I do not know
how long I was catatonic. However, I remember their concern,
frustration, and urgency to get me well again. Yet, I was stuck
due to schizophrenia at its worst.
Delusions and psychosis went
hand-in-hand. I experienced these symptoms simultaneously. I had a
breakdown at age 20 and 31. Delusions are false beliefs such
believing I was Jesus Christ, or that others spied on me. Psychosis
is lack of ability to distinguish reality. For example, I believed I
was involved in part of a movie scene, and training scenario, and I could not
distinguish reality.
My experience of catatonia, delusions,
and psychosis were coupled with mania, which is excessively high
energy. I had grandiose beliefs that I was a reality television celebrity and everybody knew who I was. Finally, the most common
characteristics of schizophrenia includes the voices and paranoia.
Now imagine a pregnant woman
experiencing a breakdown with these symptoms. These symptoms would
make anybody vulnerable and at-risk of significantly dangerous
situations and consequences.
Fortunately, medication among holistic
treatment options counteract the severity of symptoms of
schizophrenia at its worst. Treatment helps maintain stability and a
quality life. I am on medication because it works for me. I know
people who engage in alternative treatment such as diverse types of
therapy; cognitive behavioral therapy, dialetical behavioral therapy
(DBT), electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), music therapy, art therapy,
pet therapy, and several different treatment options.
I rely on traditional treatment, and
therapy along with different coping strategies. I am grateful to have
access to medication that fits my needs and controls my illness. I
have been in recovery for over 12 years. I have a seven-year-old
child and manage well. Schizophrenia is a difficult health challenge,
however, with a treatment team, information, support, and access to
care this illness is manageable.
Now I am 32 years old. I have come a
long way. Early on in recovery I did not know enough about my
condition. Stigma by society, and even healthcare professionals, hid
pertinent information. Recovery is possible. There are medications
that are safer for pregnancy. Due to lack of education about my
condition and medication options I chose not to have my first child.
A lot of medications used to treat symptoms of mental illness can
have irreversible developmental effects on the unborn child. Without
the input of a specialist nor medication options to treat my
condition while pregnant I chose to have an abortion, in order, to
avoid miscarriage or potential birth defects.
Although there are treatments that help
individuals manage schizophrenia they may not work for everybody.
Effective medications aim to treat the illness first. There are
several medications that are deadly and may cause miscarriage or
detrimental birth defects. Still, medication options vary depending
on individual needs.
I am pro-choice because I had the right
to choose, and peers should have options too. My doctor and I
discussed medication options for my pregnancy. Over the years my
medication demanded adjustment. I was fortunate to have a doctor that
believes in recovery, and explored medication options with me. I do
not believe
abortion should be used as birth control. Abortion should be an
option to all women especially for peers in recovery that have
limited treatment options in that their medication cannot tolerate a
safe pregnancy. Schizophrenia is a serious medical condition, and if
a woman needs to stay on medication to maintain stability I support
her decision. I am pro-choice for the safety, and stability of peers
in recovery, and for every woman to have the choice.
Comments