Lost but Not Forgotten

Have you ever been lost? Have an outdated GPS? Lost your keys? Or, simply lost yourself in a relationship? I have too, but more than that I lost myself. I lost my sense of direction. I lost time. I lost my ability to function. I lost my capacity to decipher reality. I lost Ashley.

In the beginning, back in June 2007 my family filed a missing person’s report with the police. My mother thought the worst when the detective called. Nobody knew what happened. Finally, the detectives discovered my whereabouts. I was jailed. I was 20 years old with no criminal history, but that changed when I experienced a breakdown.

A few months prior to my breakdown I was a junior at a private liberal arts university. I made the Dean’s List my freshman year. Thereafter, my academic excellence gradually declined. I was a student mentor, cross country team runner for three years, a youth assistant coach for home-schooled children, and also a youth church teacher for the AWANA (Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed) program. When I had my breakdown I dropped out of school, relocated, isolated, and developed excessive paranoia over associates and relatives.

One Sunday morning I got ready for church. I did not stay for the morning Bible study. I was afraid of my fellow church members, they seemed demonic and out to kill me. I went missing for a few days. During my absence I was in a daze and unable to think clearly. I did not trust anybody including family. I did not seek help, support, nor understanding. I did not know I was lost in mental illness until I was hospitalized a few months later. In jail, I lost track of time, understanding of my incarceration, and myself.

While I was in the psych ward of the jail I became catatonic. I did not move for several days. I laid in bed in my cell alone, thinking racing thoughts and sometimes no thoughts. The nurses, doctors, and guards did not forget me. My family did not forget me, but I did.

Finally, when I came back I remembered, and longed for my old self. The Ashley in school. The Ashley at work. The Ashley I used to be- sociable, ambitious, and creative. I did not know mental illness nor what recovery could look like. I used to desire my old mindset and life, but now I do not, because I created my new norm. Still, a part of me is that old Ashley, but with a different approach to life.

Today my norm is striving to live well in recovery, which looks like continuously trying to stay in a good place. I seek peace, not happiness, because happiness is fleeting. I aim to maintain a routine that includes praise and worship, light exercise, okay diet and sleeping habits, plus a lot of coping techniques to carry out checks and balances on my mood, thoughts, and actions. I was lost, but not forgotten. I hope others like me will accept that they were lost, but not forgotten. To my peers- keep striving to stay in your good place and run after recovery, you are not alone.

No, Please, That's Not Me

Prior to my diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia I did some things that I am not proud of. Now that I look back on things I blame my illness for my poor judgment. I am by no means condoning the behavior I carried out, and will share with you here. I will provide a few instances where my behavior was unlike me and caused an uproar. This post shows how schizophrenia affects other people. This post is for the family members and friends of people with schizophrenia, or showing bizarre behaviors. First, I asked my mother permission to give my friend a statue that was in my mother's house. My mother agreed to give my friend the statue, however, I took her permission a step further to get rid of what she had at my discretion. At the time I did not live with my mother who was away on a business trip. My mother buys and sells things so she had a lot of collectibles, antiques, and other interesting stuff. While my friend and me were in my mother's house my friend saw a lot of stuff that s

What Is Remission?

Remission is the absence of symptoms for at least six months with the support of medication. In other words, a doctor who has never seen you before may not diagnose you as a person with schizophrenia anymore. Remission is also high functioning in several aspects of life, living independently, goinig to school or to work, and socializing with other people. However, this does not mean the patient is cured or the illness has went away, the illness is still present, however, under control. Remission is achieved with the assistance of medication. "Published studies suggest that 10% to 20% of people with schizophrenia have remission of their illness as they get older, 20% get worse, but in a large majority (60% to 70%), the course of illness remains relatively unchanged." To reach remission it is recommended that you aim for a stress-free environment. Therefore, do things to relieve stress such as journaling, exercising, talking to friends, listening to or creating music, making a

by A Guest Blogger: For Addicts, Recovery Means Creating a New Life

If you’re struggling to maintain your sobriety, you aren’t alone. There are millions of fighters just like you working toward reclaiming their lives from drugs and alcohol. There are a few common traits that many successful recovering addicts share. Keep reading to find out what they are and how you can follow in their footsteps. They establish new patterns You can’t continue to live your life the same was you did when you were using. You must change and adapt to your newfound sobriety. Consider a career change; many recovering addicts find they have more success by starting their own business. One career that is easy to enter is dog walking. As a dog walker , you’ll reap many rewards including getting to spend time with dogs, which can actually boost your recovery efforts and stave off depression. Dogs have been used as part of a treatment plan for users as young as 11 and come with the added benefit of helping you stay physically active. Plus, being with

Overcoming Schizophrenia

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