Although my mind was fading, my spirit was still fighting. I began to question myself. Why was everybody looking at me, bizarrely? I felt off-balance but was still pressing forward. Was I some bizarre storm that caused others to see me differently? Was I hallucinating? I examined my face and body in the mirror of the jail cell. I peeled off the tips of my fingernails. Is this real? I wanted to escape out of my skin. I contemplated moving to another place. I wanted to leave my family, country, and the world I knew, in order, to start over. I began to think of creating a new identity. I would change my name, relocate to another country, and start a new life, but why? Why?! Then a thought struck me, clarity overcame me, and finally, I gained insight. My body started trembling, and I started crying profusely. I was frightened, but suddenly reconnected. Reality hit me. My mind was warring with itself, and I was the victim- but also the instigator! As I became unstuck, I had an epiphany.
This blog is about educating and empowering peers, caregivers, and loved ones with hope for recovery. I describe my experience living with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. I've been in recovery since 2007. I've experienced setbacks, but also triumphed through challenges. I encourage you to share your thoughts and to believe that better days are attainable. Thank you for visiting. Welcome to my life in recovery... Ashley Smith