Overcoming Schizophrenia

What does your depression look like? How do you fix your face? What can you do to overcome? I woke up to another dreary day. My sight was off as if my glasses were smudged. The fog was thick. My dogs got  me out of bed. They impatiently sat next to me. They took turns pouncing on the edges of my bed to lick me and get me up which is our norm nowadays. Eventually, I gave in to their requests and took them outside.       Afterwards, I distanced myself from them to crawl back into my dark cave. Swiftly, I fell into a deep sleep that was a three-hour nap as usual. This was my first nap of the day. Later, I would retreat into another long nap.      What does your struggle look like? For me, it's struggling to get out of bed. Struggling to manage my hygiene everyday. Struggling to fix my face with the proper mask. Struggling to keep the common areas tidy. Struggling to improve my mood. Struggling... And, struggling some more. Yet, I recognize that I can...

 May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Join me at my book signing 1-7pm at the Nubian Bookstore, 1540 Southlake Pkwy, Morrow, GA 30260. I would love to meet you. Purchase your copy and share. Thank you for your support!

This morning I slept in, but that was nothing new. These days my depression wins the battles, however, I believe I can still win the war. My dogs got me up and out of bed to go outside. It was about 40 degrees- good thing they were fast at using it. I ran an errand for household supplies. Then decided to cook myself something filling- grits. The bare minimum- no eggs, sausage, nor toast, just grits. Yet, I was proud of myself for that because it required energy which I was able to build on. Now I have my crockpot on and will cook some soup.      I've been struggling for a long time. My doctor and I have been tweaking my medication for years. Now I'm on two anti-depressants, a mood stabilizer, and an anti-psychotic. Still, I'm hopeful we will find a better medication cocktail. It seems the medication changes and dosage adjustments initially boosts my energy every time, this helps bring self-motivation and better days. However, shortly afterwards that great mood and morale...

Lights out for at least five hours yesterday- that was my second nap. Thank God I'm getting through these dreadful issues a little better today. Stay away from the bed- I tell myself, even if I lie on the couch, it's beats being in the bed all day.      I'm grateful I had enough energy to get out of bed. I had pressing errands to run. And, my outing led me to enjoy the weather, I felt the warmth of the sun on my skin. For a moment I felt at ease.     When I reached out for support my phone rang almost immediately, and I felt happy. I caught a glimpse of joy by talking to a friend. Their listening ear, and their triumphs over a poor situation, which they shared gave me hope- tomorrow might be a better day.    I was having a bad day, but it changed. I caught moments of happiness and peace overrode it. I always tell myself- I aim for peace over happiness because happiness is fleeting. Today was evidence of that. I had so many happy moments that brightened...

  I've been on edge for the last week, waiting. Waiting to smile. Waiting for my new book, CRUSHING THE SPIRIT OF DEPRESSION. And, today I can finally breathe- and smile.      This book screams HOPE, JOY, & REJUVENATION. It will make you feel better. Crushing the Spirit of Depression focuses on The Creator, and motivation to explore your potential and persevere and achieve your hopes and dreams.      I created a book I wish I had on my shelf for difficult times, which we all have had at some point in our lives. The book aims to encourage you and your loved ones whenever going through something and reflecting on those widespread depressing ordeals that happens in life. Which are stressful and bring us down; financial hardship, grief and loss, health problems, low mood, and self-esteem. Or, simply to maintain wellbeing, clarity, and self-encouragement.      Crushing the Spirit of Depression has 30 prayers that praises, and holds conv...

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was our light in spite the nation’s dark existence. Dr. King fought for several human rights campaigns, and stirred American society to consciousness. He led the civil rights movement against the systematic oppression that the notorious Jim Crow culture and laws executed.  He was more than a minister, human rights activist, father, husband, and brother in the struggle, and in the spirit. Dr. King became a legend because he fought for what was right; equality for all. I appreciate this holiday in his honor.

In the past, somebody criticized me for being too positive on my blog. The truth is I write blog posts when I am in a good place. I have highs and lows just like everybody else. I choose to practice optimism and to envision a hopeful outcome. Applying a hopeful attitude is intentional. I work very hard to stay hopeful. As you know, this condition is life-long and can be saddening when compared to other conditions.  Recently, I reflected on the idea of not having this medical challenge. If I did not have schizophrenia I would be able to work full-time. If I did not have schizophrenia I would not have to endure question and answer sessions about my health when I get involved in a romantic relationship. If I did not have schizophrenia I would enjoy life more... Fortunately, I cut myself off this downward spiral. I reminded myself that everybody has challenges; they may not be severe such as a mental illness, but yet, and still severe. I am grateful for this life journey; ch...

September 2013 is National Recovery Month... Recovery Month promotes the societal benefits of prevention, treatment, and recovery for substance use and mental disorders, celebrates people in recovery, lauds the contributions of treatment and service providers, and promotes the message that recovery in all its forms is possible. Recovery Month spreads the positive message that behavioral health is essential to overall health, that prevention works, treatment is effective and people can and do recover.                                With proper care and treatment, between 70 and 90 percent of persons with mental illnesses experience a significant reduction of symptoms and an improved quality of life. (the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI) September 2013 also represents my five year anniversary for maintaining this bl...

My fingers were itching to share more about my experience on managing mental illness, to write and to share my thoughts, my therapy. I let my mind wonder and started writing a poem. I don't have a lot of experience writing poems but I ventured off into another form of expression. Below is the poem I wrote: My Version of Hope by Ashley Smith I feel a better me is yet to come,   No more naive decisions that make me feel dumb.  Limitless opportunities are on the way, I believe I know what I want and how not to stray.  I see myself as the individual I long to be- free, confident, and classy,  My experiences cannot stop me, Not schizophrenia and depression nor anxiety. Because ingrained in me is an overcomer of adversity. Now I understand how to strive in my recovery, But I cannot take all the credit when it took a caring party. I give thanks to my treatment team, family and peers, Including those online that opened up...

Dear Peer, I want to share some things with you that may be helpful in your recovery- First, having a diagnosis of mental illness does not have to limit your life and your abilities. Back when I was institutionalized, I remember my state hospital doctor giving me hope by telling me I could go back to college, and that schizophrenia is a very manageable illness. I am here to tell you, you can do the same!- Whatever mental health condition you are living with- no, it most likely will not be easy everyday, but it gets better after you overcome the initial phases of self-doubt, denial, and loss. Yes, loss, one of my most difficult realities. My health temporarily caused me to either lose or distance myself from getting a higher education, friends, family, and ultimately my sanity and myself. However, after years of hard consistency, support, and awareness of my medical condition, I have gained all that back- schooling, new friends, family, and a new life!! If I knew back then what I kn...

I wrote this article for NAMI- Athens Ohio . To listen to the radio interview hosted by Tom Walker click here . For me, understanding of my mental health condition enables me to move forward in my recovery. A combination of acceptance, support, and treatment; and faith, motivates me to strive for well-being, which is a sense of normalcy in spite of my preexisting medical concern. How am I overcoming schizophrenia? My journey is an ongoing process that I will continue to thrive on not only for myself, but for my family, peers, and community. Now, I will share with you how I've mastered my recovery of mental health and am living a normal life. Since my diagnosis of a serious mental illness- schizophrenia- in 2007, I've learned to cope with my condition and to keep a good attitude no matter how individuals living with or without a mental health challenge view the concern. Getting to this level of comfort was not easy. In short, I've battled housing discrimination, social judgm...

For me, experiencing psychosis is an experience I will never forget. In short, psychosis is when an individual cannot distinguish reality. I endured a psychotic experience at the age of 20, almost five years ago, and still remember the terrors of the illness- officially diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenia in 2007. The manifestation of the illness dominated my livelihood whenever I was extremely suspicious, confused, forgetful, irritable, distant, irrational, and hearing criticizing voices when nobody was around. In my mind, everyone was envious of me because I had godly talents. I thought I could read people's minds and understand them, and sometimes they could read my mind as well. I rationalized these strange beliefs by my faith in God and the miracles of the Bible. I believed I was on a mission for God and eventually thought I was Jesus Christ being persecuted again when I was arrested for a crime I committed while not in the right state of mind. The bizarre thoughts increased....

The following story was written by Rebecca Lyn Phillips, my new friend in recovery. I’d always wanted to write. I started out a published author in 1994 with a book for teen girls, entitled “Heart to Heart.” Twenty thousand were sold. I was happy about my success, but there was something else going on in my life that I didn’t want to talk to my family about. In 1994 I attended Kansas State University, planning to work towards a Ph.D. in Psychology. I wanted to open up a home for abused teens. I wanted to make a difference. While at K-State, however, I began to struggle with a thought and mood disorder called schizo-affective disorder. I stayed in bed in my dorm and I started to miss classes. I wanted to be in Topeka in my nice, little bed at home, not at school with all those people and deadlines. I was very depressed and everyone around me knew it, except for me. October came and I started to lose weight. ...

Don't let Schizophrenia steal your joy! If you or someone you know is living with Schizophrenia or any mental illness there is hope. Schizophrenia is a manageable illness, like other medical conditions, with treatment and support. Hope to me is to hear my own voice and only my voice when I am alone. I am thankful that I tried something that manages my hallucinations and other symptoms. I am hopeful that others living with Schizophrenia may find the treatment that works for them too. And hopeful that society will find solutions to many complications associated with the cause, or causes of the illness, and to find better treatment or a cure for this concern. Someone with Schizophrenia can live a "normal" life in recovery, which is an on-going process to manage this illness. There is no set time frame for recovery. And, I will say this again, there is no set time frame for recovery, everyone is different and may require unique avenues to reach stability despite one's...

While I was at a California State Hospital I stayed in a coed unit of about 50 people. There were about three to four people to a room. The women were roomed on one side of hall while the men on the other. The hospital divided groups of people based on long-term stay and shorter term stays- I was among the short-term units. I remember the intake process, which was lengthy. I endured several comprehension, medical, and personal tests. The staff wanted to know everything- my childhood experiences, schooling, knowledge of my mental illness, the reason I was there - EVERYTHING! In the hospital, we were provided three meals a day with flexible diets if stated - vegetarian, no pork, low sodium, etc. We earned points by good behavior- going to classes, cleaning our room, dressing in an appropriate manner, and doing whatever we were supposed to. The points went toward a store where we could purchase candy, accessories, and other items. Whenever someone got into trouble they would lose their fr...

In my experience, I stayed in the hospital for 2-3 months to get an official mental health diagnosis, and also to regain competency for trial. I was in jail and in a state hospital for taking a military truck from the airport. Taking the truck was related to my nervous breakdown or psychotic break. My hospital stay was productive. I reunited with my mother and family, and participated in group therapy. I was sent to a California State Hospital because my (unknown) mental illness had gotten so severe that I became catatonic- not moving my body limbs for periods at a time. I was extremely paranoid that staff would try to poison me and thus, I stopped eating and drinking. As a result, I was sent to the emergency room several times. Also, I failed a competency test for trial, in short, I was so sick that the court hearings could not proceed and the judge mandated medication compliance and a visit to the state hospital. My illness had taken over the loving, ambitious, go-getter, Ashley. I...

It has been two years since I was released from the institution, in jail and in the state hospital, in California. After my release I was thirsty for knowledge about my illness, schizophrenia. I remember going to the nearby pharmacy to get a prescription and then doing research on the computer on schizophrenia. I got involved in an outpatient treatment facility, called Providence Community Services: Catalyst, in San Diego through a referral from my social worker in jail. At that point I did not have a clue that I would strive to help others with mental health concerns by sharing my experience on a blog or leading groups. I did not even know what blogging was or that I could start my own non-profit organization. Catalyst was awesome. They provided a clubhouse, Oasis, that offered several groups and services such as Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP), help finding employment, and cooking classes among several other services. I really grew there mentally. I got back into college and was...

One of my followers mentioned something to me that disturbed me, it was about their relative's doctor they lacked faith in their recovery, they implied that the relative may never improve; they did not want to get the family's hopes up. I think doctors should have high standards for their practice. I think this is one of the worse things a doctor could say! I wonder why people are in those professions if they don't think their patient has a chance, or have faith in their work? I just want to make one point clear: it is a myth that someone with schizophrenia cannot recover, they just have not found the right treatment that works for them, yet, but they should keep looking and keep hope alive! A lot of my readers with a mental illness are success stories. I had a doctor that I don't think really cared about her work. She wasn't there for me when I needed her. I complained to her about the restlessness I was experiencing from the side effects of my medication. I had t...

I am not upset that I have schizophrenia, this is the life God chose for me. The other day I was telling my mother I am glad I took a break from school, but I wish I had taken it sooner so that I could have recognized my illness sooner. She reminded me that everything happens for a reason, and that had I took a break sooner I would not have been able to know my full potential in college and in life. I went to college and got really involved in it through sports, internships, and mentoring peers. I was involved in so many things, school, church, home, friends, family, you name it! She was right, I am glad I took the path I took. I did not always have schizophrenia, but now that I have it I will work hard to overcome it. I try not to use the word schizophrenic because that identifies the person by their illness and that isn't fair. I am Ashley and I have schizophrenia. I will not let it limit my potential or define who I am. I can and will overcome these symptoms with medication, the...