There are several types of delusions, some are: 1) persecutory, 2) grandiose, 3) erotomanic, 4) jealousy, 5) identity, 6) somatic, and 7) nihilistic. Here, we are going to discuss persecutory, grandiose, and identity, because I personally experienced these three types of delusions.
Persecutory delusions is the most common form of a delusion. I thought that a relative was trying to harm me; however, I did not have any evidence to confirm this belief. I thought this same relative poisoned my food, and tapped my phone. I did not understand why they would want to poison me or listen to my telephone conversations, since they had their own life. Eventually, I thought everyone was a demon, everyone was following me. Every comment was a threat...a taxi driver told me to stay out of trouble, just that alone freaked me out, and at that point, I knew he was watching me, too.
Grandiose delusions are the belief that you are someone important. At first I thought I was a prophet with the ability to decipher spirits, good from evil, and even read people's minds. I got eerie feelings from various people. And with all that was going on, I thought I had the spirit of discernment. My mother thought so too, boy were we off! One incident, I thought my professor was a demon. As soon as I walked into her office I broke out in a sweat, felt pressure on my chest, got a menacing feeling from her, and freaked out. I had to get out of there, real fast! It was a horrible moment. Just recently, I analyzed that moment because it stuck with me, and I realized I was having an anxiety attack.
Another episode, while the police were arresting me I thought I was Jesus, Himself, and not one of His beautiful moments. I felt like I was being persecuted all over again compared to historical events. My delusions made me believe that the police car I was sitting in was going to, in fact, blow up. I remember sitting in the back seat praying over and over again God help me. That was another horrible moment.
Identity delusions is the thought that people are impostors. I thought my family, from my mother to my sister, to my grandmother, had been replaced by people that looked like them. I tested each individual to decipher if they were my real mother, sister, grandmother and so on by asking them questions. I asked my uncle what restaurant we went to before going to the zoo, I asked my sister who was her childhood friend, and I asked my grandmother what was my high school graduation gift. I asked my mother when my brother, her stillborn, had passed away and what I wrote on her Mother's Day card. If these people did not answer the questions that would have qualified them, they were in deed, impostors.
Being in jail, I wore the inmate hand bracelet, I was chained down when my mother came to visit, I wore the clothing, and still didn't believe I was in jail. My mother had to hold up an inmate document with my name on it to the glass window to try to convince me that I was in jail. I still didn't believe her, I laughed, shrugged my shoulders, and said "Me, come on."
If Iwhat I am about to say in closing makes it seem as though I think this is an easy thing for family members, trust me, I know it's not. For my mother, this was a very painful part of the sickness and there's not an easy way to receive it. "Families and friends must first realize that delusions are a result of [mental] illness and not stubbornness, stupidity, [rebelliousness, anger, or retaliation (schizophrenia.com). We ourselves do not know what the heck is going on. It is not intentional, please do not take it personal. If your loved one is delusional do not try to convince them the truth because they may not trust you again to tell you what they are thinking and feeling. You should keep note of bizarre thoughts and behavior.
Please note: if you know someone is having delusions such as I have discussed, it is out of your hands. Your goal must be to seek professional assistance some way or another. You do not, and cannot, know what's going on in that person's mind, less known anticipate their next move.
My delusions led me to believe that everyone was demons and out to get me. I stole a military truck trying to escape, went on a highspeed chase, went in the opposite flow of traffic, and hit two cars. It could have been even worse, thank God it was a Sunday and not that many cars were on the road when this incident took place.
If you ever have questions or want me to elaborate on anything, don't hesitate to leave a comment and ask.Resources:
- 50 Signs of Mental Illness by James Whitney Hicks, M.D.