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WHO AM I . . . .

Now that I am a person living with schizophrenia, who am I?

Prior to my diagnoses of schizophrenia I was a very intense person. I was very serious, uptight, and too private. I was also very religious, in fact, too religious to be around most people. I preferred one-on-one settings. Moreover, I was unapproachable. I was suspicious of even my closest friends. For example, when friends asked me questions such as how I was acquainted with another friend, I got suspicious of their intentions. I ran people away! Even something simple like when a friend told an associate I was planning to transfer to another school, which I was, I just knew this friend was gossiping about me, and became very defensive, backed completely off! At that point, it was mutual. I was petty, to say the least. I would get upset at little bitty things. The illness made me withdraw from a lot of social settings I would have otherwise been interested in. I did not withdraw completely though, I still had a life, but preferred to participate in things where I stood alone, such as cross country. Don't get me wrong, I very much had a life, my mother to this day never understood how I was so involved with so many different activities.

Today, I am still a spiritual individual. I am very loving, more open, expressive, and interested in new and existing relationships. I do not trip on the small stuff. I want to be involved in more events. I enjoy sharing my thoughts and concerns with family and friends. My mother tells me I am a daughter again! Who am I? I am still learning.

Comments

Thanks for sharing yourself in this way. It's nice to get to know the person behind the blog.
ACDesign said…
I can relate to you on the social aspect. I have always been much more comfortable on my own. Even at my job I prefer to work on my own because I like to see my thoughts through and because I am stubborn:) I always thought it was too complicated to have so many friends and preferred solitude. I am happy to hear about your progress! It gives me hope that my brother (who has schizophrenia) will continue to improve.
Christine said…
Hello Ashley,
Just revisited your blog, from Schizophrenia Connection, and was so glad I did.
Recently there have been both young people, and parents of young people, in early stages of coping with first psychosis and desperately looking for help/info and hope, in their changed circumstances. Do you think you might post a brief update or link there to your blog??... I am sure it would be much appreciated by many.
Thanks, Chris UK

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