Skip to main content

Understanding Oneself (click here to go to the site with the picture)




This describes schizophrenia...My psychotic break led to my institutionalization. At first, when I was institutionalized I did not understand what was going on. I didn't do the things I like to do because I didn't feel motivated or because of fear.

For example, I love to write I keep a journal, however, while I was away I was scared to write because somebody, anybody, could read my diary, I was paranoid. Also, I was very emotional. My delusions made me believe a member of family hurt my mother and her siblings in their childhood. I was confused and didn't know why or where these peculiar thoughts came from.

I was also hearing voices, it made keeping conversaton with people very difficult. The voices made do strange things. For example, I would get up in the middle of the night and flush all the toilets repeatedly, until a bunkmate would tell me to go back to sleep.

Before I was institutionalized I had trouble concentrating on homework and work assignments. It would take me a long time to complete assignments, I thought I just slow at the time. I did not know that I had adult onset schizophrenia, which disrupts cognitive functions.

A little after a year has passed from my psychotic break and I feel great. I am back doing the things I used to enjoy. I have a better understanding of my illness and myself.

What do you think?

Comments

Anonymous said…
Hi,

I need to speak to you, need help!!!!
Either give me your contact or my no. is 09818576131
Ashley Smith said…
Hello, you can email at overcomingschizophrenia-blog@googlegroups.com

Ashley
Ashley Smith said…
Hello, I tried that number earlier, but I couldn't get through. Is it out of the United States?

Ashley
Anonymous said…
I will definately e-mail you, Yes I stay in India.
If possible you can give me your number, I can reach - not a problem for me.

Thanks.
Ashley Smith said…
Sorry for confusion, please forward the email to my personal gmail account at valash08@gmail.com.

Ashley
I Am Who I Am said…
At 22 you're doing better than most.

It's ashame thta research hasn't progressed to the point of being able to diagnose us when we're young children. It would certainly make our childhood years much easier if we and our parents knew what we were dealing with.

Be proud of yourself and how far you've come.

Popular posts from this blog

Lack of Trust: A Byproduct of My Mental Illness

In this entry, I'll share my experiences with Schizophrenia in regards to feeling lack of trust in others, paranoia, and isolation.... I remember my many episodes with Schizophrenia where I felt uneasy because of lack of trust in others. In the past, isolation was a giant bullying me around. Sometimes my mind would take me to a place of fear, hurt, and an unsettling spirit, which started with what seemed like a strange look, or a different feeling around an individual, when in reality it was another symptom of my undiagnosed illness- paranoia. My paranoia was rampant and dictated my life prior to experiencing a crisis, which led me to jail and into forced treatment and to receive an official diagnosis of Schizophrenia in 2007. In other words, my illness created enemies in my mind. For instance, I once believed my favorite kin was against me and I felt like she wanted me to fail, and I eventually thought she was conspiring to harm me. However, she never said anything to imply these ...

Fear to Openness about Medication

I am concerned that I may be slipping into depression that may get worse if untreated. Prior to the birth of my child I never had a bout with depression, but as my body changed so did my hormones and my susceptibility to depression. A few months ago I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and at the time I knew I needed extra support from my my treatment team. I knew I needed to focus on my mental health because my anxiety level was up and down, it was difficult to concentrate, and I felt extremely overwhelmed and afraid my mental illness would rear its ugly head and try to destroy my recovery accomplishments. I spoke my therapist who contacted my doctor and let them know I was coming in the next morning as a walk-in, which I did and we tweaked my medication. Now, its hard to focus and to carry out minor assignments, sometimes I feel anxious for no reason, I am extremely tired and sleep more than usual, and I feel like I am on a downward spiral. Yet, I have reason to be. I have ...

The Path that God Chose for Me

I am not upset that I have schizophrenia, this is the life God chose for me. The other day I was telling my mother I am glad I took a break from school, but I wish I had taken it sooner so that I could have recognized my illness sooner. She reminded me that everything happens for a reason, and that had I took a break sooner I would not have been able to know my full potential in college and in life. I went to college and got really involved in it through sports, internships, and mentoring peers. I was involved in so many things, school, church, home, friends, family, you name it! She was right, I am glad I took the path I took. I did not always have schizophrenia, but now that I have it I will work hard to overcome it. I try not to use the word schizophrenic because that identifies the person by their illness and that isn't fair. I am Ashley and I have schizophrenia. I will not let it limit my potential or define who I am. I can and will overcome these symptoms with medication, the...