A little over a year ago my psychotic episode led me to steal a military truck. I took the truck in hopes of escaping the "demons". I thought everybody was after me. By committing this crime health professionals were able to diagnose me with schizophrenia. This crime landed my five months in a jail and in a hospital.
At first I thought I was in hell, then I thought being in jail was a hoax. I told my mother not put any money towards my bail. My family was very supportive. They visited me, wrote emails, and collected bail money from the family. However, my sickness would not allow them to get too close. I denied visits, mail, and would not call anyone. In my mind I felt blocked to see my family. Whenever I got mail I would throw it away. My illness had taken over. Therefore they did not immediately bail me out when they had the money because they wanted me to get better first. I was not the same person. I did not do the things that I enjoyed such as going to Bible study and being around family.
Eventually, I became catatonic, I would not move, I would stay in the same position for hours. I thought I was staying still to please God, like fasting or something. While I was catatonic I did not eat or shower. As a result, I was sent to the emergency room three times in order for them to put IVs in me to keep me alive.
With treatment the negative symptoms disappeared and I returned to my old self, but I would have to deal with court issues, social phobia and anxiety due to the shock of being in jail. I was afraid of people. I could not stand being in a group like setting, and I would isolate myself. They gave me medicine to calm down, and then I was able to be around people.
In spite of my illness my family never left me behind. They continued to visit me and find more information about my illness. I am thankful for my family, staff at the jail and hospital. Fortunately, the judge knew I was sick and charged me with a misdemeanor.
Have you ever had a nervous breakdown or have experienced psychosis?
At first I thought I was in hell, then I thought being in jail was a hoax. I told my mother not put any money towards my bail. My family was very supportive. They visited me, wrote emails, and collected bail money from the family. However, my sickness would not allow them to get too close. I denied visits, mail, and would not call anyone. In my mind I felt blocked to see my family. Whenever I got mail I would throw it away. My illness had taken over. Therefore they did not immediately bail me out when they had the money because they wanted me to get better first. I was not the same person. I did not do the things that I enjoyed such as going to Bible study and being around family.
Eventually, I became catatonic, I would not move, I would stay in the same position for hours. I thought I was staying still to please God, like fasting or something. While I was catatonic I did not eat or shower. As a result, I was sent to the emergency room three times in order for them to put IVs in me to keep me alive.
With treatment the negative symptoms disappeared and I returned to my old self, but I would have to deal with court issues, social phobia and anxiety due to the shock of being in jail. I was afraid of people. I could not stand being in a group like setting, and I would isolate myself. They gave me medicine to calm down, and then I was able to be around people.
In spite of my illness my family never left me behind. They continued to visit me and find more information about my illness. I am thankful for my family, staff at the jail and hospital. Fortunately, the judge knew I was sick and charged me with a misdemeanor.
Have you ever had a nervous breakdown or have experienced psychosis?
Comments
Also, I just want to tell you that it takes a lot of courage to be as up front and honest as you are with the things you've gone through. Keep up the good work.
~sass
Best wishes
Julieanne
RT
http://whenuglywasin.blogspot.com/
BTW, thanks for your visit to my Blog.
AV
be positive,
MESOTHELIOMA UPDATES
while I have never experienced what you went through, I did have a breakdown about two years ago. I felt that I had failed at everything, and my life was a mess. I was depressed and didnt realize it. my family couldnt help me because I shut them out. I felt like I was drowning. I dont talk about that time very much now. I still feel pain and hurt from some things that happened to me. I believe, that but for the grace of God, I would be dead if I hadnt been able to change and get help.
it really lifts my spirits to read your blog and see your change. someone else said that it takes courage, and thats very true. you never know when someone will need to read your words. keep it up!!
Anyway, I have gotten much better now just by reading the Bible as it is the Word of God that brings healing to our souls. Just want to encourage you to continue the medication and read the Bible daily. God will see you through this trial.
God bless you.
Do you actually remember being in that state of mind? Or is it like a dream that people tell you about?
I have an very distant uncle who is schizophrenic and the concept seems so strange to me. I hope you don't mind my asking.
I remember feeling extremely anxious and irritated because I was hearing voices, and thought they were people around me. I was also scared for my life, I thought my aunt and strangers were out to get me. It was a terrible feeling because I felt that no matter what I did I could not escape.
It was also like a dream, as if I was watching myself drive the truck. I was experiencing a split between realities. I almost want to erase that day from my mind it was so bad.