At first I thought I was in hell, then I thought being in jail was a hoax. I told my mother not put any money towards my bail. My family was very supportive. They visited me, wrote emails, and collected bail money from the family. However, my sickness would not allow them to get too close. I denied visits, mail, and would not call anyone. In my mind I felt blocked to see my family. Whenever I got mail I would throw it away. My illness had taken over. Therefore they did not immediately bail me out when they had the money because they wanted me to get better first. I was not the same person. I did not do the things that I enjoyed such as going to Bible study and being around family.
Eventually, I became catatonic, I would not move, I would stay in the same position for hours. I thought I was staying still to please God, like fasting or something. While I was catatonic I did not eat or shower. As a result, I was sent to the emergency room three times in order for them to put IVs in me to keep me alive.
With treatment the negative symptoms disappeared and I returned to my old self, but I would have to deal with court issues, social phobia and anxiety due to the shock of being in jail. I was afraid of people. I could not stand being in a group like setting, and I would isolate myself. They gave me medicine to calm down, and then I was able to be around people.
In spite of my illness my family never left me behind. They continued to visit me and find more information about my illness. I am thankful for my family, staff at the jail and hospital. Fortunately, the judge knew I was sick and charged me with a misdemeanor.
Have you ever had a nervous breakdown or have experienced psychosis?